No Matter What
by DragonRose42
Summary: October 1981. Sirius and James discuss who should be the Potter's Secret Keeper. Sirius/Remus. All characters, settings, etc. belong to J.K. Rowling.


"And he's been enjoying that toy wand you and Remus got him like mad," James Potter whispered, gazing down at his sleeping son. "Nearly poked Lily's eye out yesterday, he loves the thing."

"I'm glad," Sirius Black said, grinning down at his godson. "He'll need plenty of practice so he can be top of his class at Hogwarts."

"Top of his class?" James said, looking across the crib at his best friend. "Since when is that the important thing to you?"

"Alright, best at dueling Slytherins then," Sirius amended and James nodded. Sirius looked up at James, all traces of his smile wiped from his face. "I need to talk to you about something, Prongs."

James nodded. Given the late hour, and the fact that they hardly managed to see each other in person anymore, he has suspected that Sirius had something more to discuss with him that Harry's future school days. "Downstairs. Lily's finally managed to fall asleep. She's barely slept a wink since the McKinnons."

Sirius led the way downstairs and into the kitchen of the small, tidy house. He sat down at the wood table as James went over to the stove. A moment later he sat down across from Sirius and pushed a steaming mug of tea over to him. "Cheers," Sirius said, wrapping his hands around it. He took a deep breath of the steam. Earl grey. Remus's favorite. Feeling his stomach tense up, he pushed the tea away from him.

"What's up?" James asked, holding onto his own mug.

"I wanted to talk to you about this whole…this whole Secret Keeper thing that Dumbledore told us about," Sirius said, hesitating, not sure where to start.

James looked at him for a long moment as Sirius stared into his mug. The he said, "Oh. Okay. Right. You're having second thoughts. Okay. That's fine. It's really bloody dangerous, we shouldn't have even asked, we'll talk to Dumbledore, he said he would—"

"James, shut up," Sirius said, and James fell silent, still staring anxiously at Sirius. Sirius wondered if he had ever seen James anxious before Harry had been born. In the face of danger, be it Death Eaters or detention, James had always seemed to swell, his bravado and swagger taking charge. Since the birth of his son, however, anxious seemed to be James's default emotion. "I'm not changing my mind."

"You're not?" James asked.

"Of course not," Sirius insisted. "How could I? Who cares how dangerous it is? You're my family. My brother. I would do anything to keep you and Lily safe, and especially Harry. I love that little boy like he's my own flesh and blood, Prongs. I would do anything to keep him safe."

"Alright," James said, letting out his breath. "Then what do you want to talk about?"

"The thing is," Sirius said, and he grabbed hold of the mug once more, just to have somewhere to put his hands. "I think…you shouldn't use me."

"Okay, well, now I'm just confused," James said.

"Not because I don't want to do it," Sirius said quickly. "But, James, you know as well as I do that there's a spy in the Order."

"That's why we're doing this," James reminded him.

"Right," Sirius said. "But…see…"

He trailed off, no idea how to continue what he had started. James stared at him. Finally, the taller man said, "Spit it out, Black. You're scaring me."

"The thing is that Remus knows I'm going to be your Secret Keeper," Sirius said. James nodded slowly. Sirius continued. "And…I'm not sure that's…prudent."

"Prudent? Speak English, Sirius. This is me you're talk to. What are you on about?"

"I don't think it's wise for Remus to know who your Secret Keeper is," Sirius said, feeling sick as he said it.

"You can't be saying what I think you're saying," James said. Sirius looked up at him, anguish written all over his face. "You are. You're saying you think Remus is the spy?"

"I don't know, I don't know what to think," Sirius said. "I just think it's better to keep Remus in the dark about this."

"But Remus is our friend," James said. "Our best friend. And your…whatever you two are. How can you say that?"

"Because nothing matters more to me than keeping Harry safe," Sirius said. "And yes, Remus is our friend, and yes, I love him, but that doesn't matter, James. Not when it comes to Harry, and you, and Lily all being safe."

"Why on earth do you think it's Moony?" James asked, eyes wide in the moonlit kitchen.

"He…" Sirius sighed. "He's distant. We don't talk much anymore. He's gone all the time, and he won't tell me where. Just says he's on a mission for Dumbledore."

"Maybe he is," James pointed out. "We all go on missions."

"Yes, but missions he can't tell me anything about?" Sirius countered. "Missions that keep him gone for days at a time, with no warning, no explanation, nothing? And don't forget what Wormy said."

James's face became, if it was possible, even more serious. "About Snape?"

"Wormy said he spotted Remus and Snape outside the Leaky Cauldron, talking," Sirius reminded James. "That's not nothing, Prongs. We're at war. This isn't exactly the time for a school reunion."

"But…Remus," James said helplessly. "I don't want to believe it."

"You think I do?" Sirius said. "It's killing me to think about Remus like this. To suspect him like this. But we can't let that get in the way of doing what's right."

"But Remus would never," James insisted. "Why would he do this?"

Sirius shrugged helplessly. "Life has been so hard since graduation. He can't find work, and no one will rent to him because of his condition."

"But that's all taken care of now, right? Now that you two are living together?" James asked.

"In my mind, of course," Sirius said. "To me, there's nothing wrong with him living with me, letting me pay for things. But you know Remus and his pride. He doesn't want to feel indebted. He is all too aware that it's my food in the kitchen, my flat, my everything. It doesn't feel fair to him. And I can't help but think about all the promises that Voldemort has been making to the werewolves. About how they won't have to hide anymore. How they'll get to live just like everyone else. And…James, you and I both know that Remus can keep secrets. He kept them from us, didn't he?"

A long silence followed this statement. Neither man took a sip of their tea, which was steadily growing colder by the moment. Then James spoke.

"So what…what do you think we should do?"

"Use Peter," Sirius said at once.

"Peter?"

"Yes," Sirius insisted. "I already talked to him. He said he would do it. He's scared, but he's braver than he looks, our Pete. He'll do it for you. For Harry. Use Peter, and don't tell anyone. I'll tell Remus that you used me."

"I just can't believe it's true," James said.

Sirius ran both hands over his face, hard, as though trying to rub life back into himself. Then he looked at James. "Maybe it's not. Maybe there's a good explanation for all of this. Maybe it's nothing. And if it's not him, and you use Pete, than everything will be fine. And if it is him, and you use Pete…"

"Harry will be safe," James said, and Sirius nodded, swallowing the lump that had risen in his throat.

"Then Harry will be safe," Sirius said.

"Okay," James agreed at last.

"Okay?" Sirius said.

"Okay," James said. "We'll use Pete instead. For Harry. But Sirius, what are you going to do about Remus?"

Sirius shook his head. He stood up and James did as well. Sirius shrugged on his traveling cloak and clutched his wand tightly in his hand. "I'm not sure. I love him. I know that. But I don't think that's enough anymore."

James reached out and gripped Sirius's shoulder tightly. "I'll see you soon, I hope."

"You will," Sirius said, and he hugged James. Then he turned on the spot and disapparated.

He appeared in his flat's sitting room. He looked around, peering into the small kitchen. Empty. He stood still, straining his ears, trying to tell if he could hear Remus's faint breathing coming from the bedroom. "Moon?" he called out, softly. When there was no response, he padded into the hallway and looked into the bedroom. Empty. The bed didn't look touched. Sirius felt a flood of relief flood through him at not having to face Remus. Then the familiar sense of dread set in. Where was Remus? Who was he with? What was he doing?

Sirius sat down on the edge of the bed, putting his head in his hands. Harry, he thought to himself. That was all that mattered. Harry would be safe. No matter what.


End file.
